NOTES ON THE JOURNEY: Adieu Dad, Rest in Peace

My dad passed away about a month ago, on 16th October 2016. According to his IC, dad was 89. However dad used to tell us that in the old days people lied about their ages in order to get a job as soon as possible and they usually admitted that they were older than they actually were. So truth be told, dad was probably only 86 or 85 years old this year. On the death certificate, the cause of death is given as community acquired pneumonia. It was exactly a week after the wedding of my niece Syikin. Her marriage was one of the things that dad wanted to witness so much.

Both my parents are gone now. On my late mum side only my Ayah Cu and two uncles and another auntie (my late mum half-siblings) are around. My Ayah Beso, Ayah Alang, Ayah Cik and Wan Cik are all gone now. On my late dad side, I still have four aunties. My mum passed away in 2005. Dad remarried two or three years after mum's passing. Sadly my step-mum too passed away last year, also from pneumonia. My nephew Wan, his wife Lin, and their daughter Princess Yaya, moved in with my dad when my step-mum passed away.

I am 62 this year. My eldest brother is 64. Most of my sibling too are in their fifties or late fifties, except for my youngest brother Me who is 46 this year. All I hope for is that we will be blessed with health with whatever time we are left with. I myself am trying my best to improve my health. A bit late, but better late than never. I am sad that my brother Man has some sort eye problem and is not able to see very well. Hopefully some form of treatment can be found for him. The young people, my nephews and nieces, will be carrying on and expanding the Yahaya-Leha clan to the future. Of all my nephews and nieces, Ipah, Ima, Siti, Danial, Dasila, Diana, Wan and Syikin are married. Among them we have 12 grandchildren already.

Now, what can I write about my dad? Honestly, I feel like I don't know my dad that much. What a thing to say, but that is the truth. I have never really lived with mum and dad ever because of my adoption. I went to see them on Hari Raya every year, starting at the time when I was old enough to travel by myself around the age of 14 or 15. Before that I hardly ever saw them them actually. My adopted mother was a very very insecure person and would pull a long face if I stayed a bit longer during the Hari Raya visits. She would often abused me mentally and emotionally just to make sure I would not bond with my parents and my siblings. She would not think twice about telling untruthful things about my mum. I later found out that the truth about those slanders. But, no, if people are wandering, she did not abuse me physically. In fact, to an outsider, it would seem like she loved me so very much. To me personally, it was not love, but a severe obsessive attachment to someone she thought she would lose. So intense was the obsession that it almost choked me to death. I felt it was sheer willpower, that her obsession did not push me to the edge and make me do something foolish. It was indeed, short of a miracle that I did not lose my sanity. Dad never ever spoke to me about my adoption by his elder sister. He would keep quiet or would slowly changed the subject if I ever brought it up. My late mum, on the other hand, was quite articulate in letting out her feelings about me, and, despite what I think as the superficialness of our relationship I understood her total helplessness about the whole thing. I understood that she loved me.

All I know is, dad was diligent. He was quite good in his studies but unfortunate circumstances hindered him furthering his education. He worked hard in his job with the JKR to support his family. Discipline is second nature to dad and I think some of this trait rubbed onto us the children too. He very much valued education and always placed a strong emphasis on doing well in school. I believe what made him most happy was the successes of my nephews and nieces in education. Some of my nephews and nieces are straight As students and did much better than me or my siblings in our studies.

Adieu dad, rest in peace. You have done great with your six sons and one daughter, 23 grandchildren and 12 great-grandchildren. Forgive me for my inability to express more love and emotion for you. I guess in that sense, we are quite similar. On a happy note, I have come to terms with a lot of the resentment I feel about being adopted. I wrote about it in the post entitled Being Healthy and Active in Your Senior Years in early August.