Today is Thursday, May 17th, the first day of the fasting month 2018. Every time Ramadhan is here I miss you so very much, even though it's been 13 years that you have left us.
I am always praying that you're peaceful and happy, Mum. I don't know what it is like in the after life. Is it like what we're experiencing in this world or is it a certain level of consciousness that perhaps is difficult to be understood by mortals. May be perhaps the after life is just another dimension which is sharing the same physical space in the universe as our living world. That is why, at times, I talk to you. I can't dismiss the feeling that you're watching over me from time to time.
There is always this concern I have. That perhaps you're not peaceful and tranquil there because you're worried about me. That you think I am still unhappy and miserable as a result of being abused by my adopted mother.
I am okay, Mum, I am doing fine actually. My life is routine and rather monotonous but I am okay with it. Been almost five years that I have been retired. I will be 64 this coming September. I am generally healthy albeit one or two health issues at bay. Done the TKR on my right knee about five years ago. The other knee might have to be operated too. I am really praying I do not have to do the surgery once again, but lets just wait and see. I have been taking better care of myself these past two years. I have lost weight and I am off the hypertension medication.
Happiness is a subjective things. Different people associate happiness with totally different things. Nowadays, every morning, upon waking up, I just thank the Lord for a new day and for another chance to live my life again. To me that is happiness. Even if there is pain in my left knee, for example, I am still grateful that I can still walk, I can still drive, I can take care of myself, my pets, my home. I am still very much independent. That is happiness. I can find a lot of pleasure in reading, I can still write, although rather badly is happiness too. I make a habit of treasuring the little things in my life.
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| Me, hanging out with my best friends about a month ago |
Gone are days when I was always sad and melancholy during that depression period. Took me years Mum, but at last the Lord gives me this little nook of light and warmth in the deepest corner of my heart, just a tiny one. Of having the ability to find pleasure in living as well as the ability to pass through period of despair and yet be able to bounce back. Nowadays, I am able to look back at the pain from my adopted mother's abuse as an experience that expands my learning curve.
Another important thing, Mum. I am no longer angry or having vindictive emotions with one or two men, whom I loved before and who terribly betrayed me. It was a lesson, an experience. It made me stronger, better. If they are happy now, good for them. If they are unhappy now, well, they have to deal with their choices. I am over them. The truth of the matter is they were not good for me. Being single has a lot of challenges, but then so is being married. It's just how you look at it and how you tackle it. I would love to have a companion now as life is rather lonely. But if I have one, it is someone who treasures me dearly, who respects and cares deeply about me and someone whom I respect and treasures dearly too. I made some bad choices before and I have learnt from them.
So all things considered I am okay, Mum.
Love you very much Mum.
Sincerely,
Your Only Daughter
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| Harris Aidan in the arms of his grand-dad. |
PS : Kin gave birth to a baby boy on April 27th. Your 12th great-grandchild is named Harris Aidan (photo above).
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