INVICTUS

I am master of my fate, I am captain of my soul (from a poem by William Ernest Hendley)
There is no chance, no destiny, no fate, that can circumvent or hinder or control the firm resolve of a determined soul ( quote by Ella Wheeler Wilcox)

Thursday, 6 November 2014

Brickfields, KL Sentral and NU Sentral

I had my last physiotherapy session last October 28th. For the first six months after the TKR surgery, I attended them twice weekly. After that I was advised to attend a once-a-week session for maintenance since I am quite a couch potato nowadays and I do not trust myself enough that I would diligently follow an exercise routine similar to the one conducted at the hospital all by myself. Anyway I still think where the physio is concerned I was a very attentive patient since most people who have had TKR surgeries usually have physiotherapy at the most about 4 months after the surgery. The situation in reality varies from patient to patient depending on individual cases. I am still very much advised to keep to simple exercise routines at home daily. So far so good, I have been good and never missed the 25-minute session at least twice a day. There is still some improvement in the operated knee, thank you My Lord. My other knee will still have to be operated later on of course, perhaps somewhere next year. Even though it feels heavy and easily tired at times, I still can go on with normal life for the time being.

I have been surfing the net to find a good place to study language in the vicinity of KL or PJ, preferably day classes. UiTM does offer quite a number of international languages but all its classes are conducted at night. I do not plan to drive to these classes and therefore the venue should be near a public transport facilities. Wherever possible I would like to mix around with other ethnic groups or nationalities as much as possible too. So I found out about language classes at YMCA. Well, YMCA is excellent location-wise and the fees are very reasonable. There are day classes as well as night classes. For the time being the basic classes are conducted at night. Perhaps I wait for may be December's schedule for the right classes. First I have to become a member of YMCA in order to get discounted prices for the language courses. So I have to go to the YMCA in Brickfields. Nostalgic place, Brickfields, a lot of memories for me. I used to stay in Brickfields from 1985 to 1986. I went abroad in Sept 1986 and came back in June 1987. I continued living in Brickfields in 1987 until my house was ready and I moved to Port Klang in 1995.

Brickfields was a very lively place even in the late 80's and mid 90's and a lot bachelors stayed around there. Almost everything was within walking distance. Indian grocery shops with all the characteristics of bygone era were there. There were nostalgic and comforting smells of spices and incense within these old shops with the old shopkeepers in the thin white pagoda T-shirts and sarongs (kain pelikat). There were famous daun pisang restaurants called Sri Pandi and Sri Devi. Sri Pandi and Sri Devi are still are still around and they have the typical decor and atmosphere of Malaysian Indian restaurants. Their dishes are delicious with all the daun pisang plates and stainless steel condiment carriers. Banks, post office, police station, mini-markets, clinics, bookshop (the famous Anthonion bookstore), Chinese kopi tiams, pawn shop, budget hotels, old government quarters and plenty of mamak stalls around. On weekends if we have nothing on, me and a few of my close friends would often hung out at these stalls late into the night having good as well silly conversations while enjoying really delicious teh tarik and really really delicious mamak thick soup with a slice of very thickly cut bread. These stalls would remained open until two or three o'clock in the morning. Even the National Museum and KL Botanical Garden were within walking distance, if you know the short cuts. I don't think that is possible anymore nowadays, with all the the huge skyscrapers everywhere and the one-way streets in placed around Brickfields and Jalan Travers area. There was also the seedier side of Brickfields along Jalan Berhala and the likes where the ladies of the night were available. Wouldn't surprise me if the situation is still the same.

While living in Brickfields I was renting a room in a four-room unit in a building right opposite the Quepacs apartment. The unit was long and airy and our landlords were a Chinese couple slightly younger than me, Ong  and Yap. The household was truly multiracial. The landlords were Chinese, and the tenants were me, and Indian teacher Maniwanan and another Malay couple. We got along quite well and became good friends. I was a much more active individual back then. There were always activities planned for weekends and I also went home to my parents quite often.

Brickfields today is a bustling district with all that skyscrapers around. The main rail transportation hub is there for easy access to KLIA and KLIA2 and to other areas in and around Klang Valley. A lot of old buildings have given way to high rise apartments, a far cry from before when there were quite a number of dilapidated buildings around. Beside the nearby train network the area is also plied with good bus and taxi networks. It is a place with all the amenities at your finger tips and would be nice to live if you can afford the ridiculously high housing price and if you do not mind the jams. I think it would be nice if you live there and you work there too.

The escalators linking KL
Sentral and NU Sentral
NU Sentral is a rather posh shopping centre,
definitely towards the higher end side
Some tenants have not
moved in yet
MPH's sale on LG floor of
NU Sentral
Looking down from NU
Sentral, to the right is towards
KL city centre. These are old
buildings from the early eighties.
I can still recognise them.
Some shrubs. Honestly I think they should
put more effort in planting more trees
to soften the hard passive massive
concrete jungle impact.
The forever busy Jalan
Tun Sambanthan
No more street crossing for
pedestrians wanting to go
across Jalan Tun Sambanthan
from either side.
Monster concrete blocks. This
side of Jalan Tun Sambanthan
is almost unrecognisable to me.
Looks as if the littering habit
is a bit on the mend compared
to before. There's still hope
for Malaysians.
I ended up buying these
two books from the MPH
sale. The book hoarder in me
just couldn't resist despite my
to-be-read pile at home.
I also ended up with two muranos
and the red-capped teddy bear charm.
I fought hard to resist them but I
succumbed to temptation. Bracelet
and clips are existing ones though.

Thursday, 16 October 2014

Brain On Fire

I had just finished reading this memoir written by a young rookie reporter Susannah Cahalan. Cahalan was afflicted with anti-NMDA-receptor auto immune encephalitis. Long name for a disease in which, in simple words, the auto immune system, instead of protecting begins turning against the individual, attacking her brain causing tremendous havoc.

Cahalan is very lucky she and her family are within reach of the best possible medical professionals equipped with the latest knowledge in their fields. I am just wondering, how many people in Malaysia, suffer from this disease and no diagnosis is available, due to the fact many of the symptoms are similar to that of psychiatric illnesses. Many people would simply have concluded that it is demonic possessions rather than a real medical illness.

I took the synopsis below from the net as I feel a little anxious trying to rewrite Cahalan's terrible experience.




A gripping memoir and medical suspense story about a young New York Post reporter’s struggle with a rare and terrifying disease, opening a new window into the fascinating world of brain science.

One day, Susannah Cahalan woke up in a strange hospital room, strapped to her bed, under guard, and unable to move or speak. Her medical records—from a month-long hospital stay of which she had no memory—showed psychosis, violence, and dangerous instability. Yet, only weeks earlier she had been a healthy, ambitious twenty-four year old, six months into her first serious relationship and a sparkling career as a cub reporter. 

Susannah’s astonishing memoir chronicles the swift path of her illness and the lucky, last-minute intervention led by one of the few doctors capable of saving her life. As weeks ticked by and Susannah moved inexplicably from violence to catatonia, $1 million worth of blood tests and brain scans revealed nothing. The exhausted doctors were ready to commit her to the psychiatric ward, in effect condemning her to a lifetime of institutions, or death, until Dr. Souhel Najjar—nicknamed Dr. House—joined her team. He asked Susannah to draw one simple sketch, which became key to diagnosing her with a newly discovered autoimmune disease in which her body was attacking her brain, an illness now thought to be the cause of “demonic possessions” throughout history. 

With sharp reporting drawn from hospital records, scientific research, and interviews with doctors and family, Brain on Fire is a crackling mystery and an unflinching, gripping personal story that marks the debut of an extraordinary writer.



A Prayer for Marmalade

Yesterday I received a new Google mail notification about Cole and Marmalade. Cole and Marmalade's owner Chris Poole regularly posted You-Tube videos on the antics of his two beloved cats. The American couple obviously is an animal lover and very much a cat-lover.

Marmalade (or Marm) the young orange tabby, is recently found to be suffering from lymphoma, a common cancer in cats. The tumour was already removed through surgery, however it is quite common for the cancer to come back and spread to the other organs besides the intestine. It is not a good prospect. Marmalade's owners are devastated by the news. I am devastated too, as I have followed Marmalade's development on You-Tube and Facebook (the fb page is Cole and Marmalade). I had very often attached Marmalade videos onto my WhatsApp messages to my friends. I feel like Cole and Marm are my cats too. There is a part of me that is very sensitive to animal suffering. I also have strong empathy for grieving pet owners. I still remember the grim period of the last few months of my beloved cat Benjamin's life. The trauma and devastation of having to euthanise him at the very end is something that I really really pray I will not have to go through again.

Dearest Marm, all my love, may you recover completely, my prayers are with you and your family all the way. You are young, strong, feisty and you will defeat the cancer!

Saturday, 27 September 2014

Being Comfortable In Your Own Skin

Tomorrow September 28th, 2014 will be exactly a year that I am retired.

Looking back, a year ago, I have a lot of trepidation, apprehension, dread, fear, nervousness, you name it, a few months before the retirement. How will I live my retirement? What will I do with all the time? Will I be terribly missing my gang at work? Will I suffer from depression as told by some motivational speakers do happen to retirees? How will I manage my life with less money? How will I deal with my arthritis which was definitely getting worse? Will my self-esteem dive low because of the "perceived" loss of significance of being not working?

The first two months of retirement was a little strange. Suddenly I was always home. However I do not have to wake up early anymore. I am not a morning person and not having to wake up at 5.30 in the morning is indeed a bliss. I missed my friends at work those first few months. If we did not have urgent tasks ahead, me and my gang would breakfast together and lunch together everyday. We even had a favourite table at the cafeteria which we dubbed "the Cullen's table" just like the one favoured by the Cullens in the movie Twilight. People with very strong introvert tendency like me, tend to have few friends. They take time to bond with friends but once they trust you the friendship will last a very long time. I trusted my close friends. To me they are part of my family. We might not agree on anything or everything but I do very much care about them and I do believe they care about me too.
I did not miss my job that much however. Even though I love being part of the LA team, I did feel like I was not contributing much anymore. I felt I have reached the plateau and it was appropriate time for me to leave.

The third month of my retirement, I was focused on my TKR surgery. I know I had to deal with the progressing arthritis if I want a better quality life in my retirement. I was operated two days after Christmas in 2013. It was followed by months of physiotherapy which was not a very pleasant experience at the beginning. I still attend physiotherapy though not so intensive anymore, only once a week. There is no more pain in the right knee, I do not have to use the walking stick anymore and my walking is much better even though I still limp a bit and I walk rather slow. I can also manage staircases although very slowly.

Two weeks after the surgery I adopted Tam. It was a cautious decision. I was apprehensive about Mickey not being able to accept the newcomer. I took pains to introduce them slowly while giving a lot of attention to Mickey so as to ensure that he does not feel neglected because of Tam. That was almost nine months ago. Tam is now Mickey's annoying, boisterous, mischievous little adopted sister. Both my cats give me lots and lots of pleasure and unconditional love and I adore them both to bits and pieces. They own me. Wan Nyah is their human rather than they are Wan Nyah's cats.

Wherever they go, retirees are almost always asked what are they doing now? I used to get a little annoyed with the question at the beginning of my retirement. Not anymore. People are different and everyone has the right to choose whatever they feel comfortable doing. It may be doing nothing ha ha ha. What is the point of doing business if your heart is never in it, or may be doing some PPL jobs when you feel that you had had enough of the vocational training environment already? Of course then, that means I am not going to have lots of money. What is the point of money, if your heart is not in what you are doing.

I am comfortable being on my own and doing things by myself. I love being with my close friends or my nephews and nieces of course, but I do not feel lonely being alone. That is another trait of people with strong introversion personality. I am okay with my life even if some people, even some of my siblings, just could not fathom how I manage the "loneliness" and the lack of "social activities" in my life. Truth of the matter is, I am not a sociable person, just never was. I find receptions, parties, kenduris and other social functions very tedious. My adopted mum used to belittle me tons because of my dislike to go to kenduris in our kampung. I was mentally and verbally abused by her because I am an introvert. Those were the days!

Thank you my Lord for all your blessings. I will never stop learning about myself and I will never stop learning about you, about the universe, about the cosmos, about creation, about everything. To all my close friends and my nephews and nieces, thank you for support, thank you for being you!

(I thought the following article is a very good read about being comfortable in your own skin)


The Simplest Ways To Look Good Without Changing Your Appearance

COMMUNICATION MOTIVATION BY JULIAN HAYES II

Looking healthy and being in great shape is important. As a fitness professional myself, I can’t stress enough the benefits of exercising and how it benefits all facets of our life.
But, your appearance isn’t the only metric that matters in this world. Looks don’t last forever, they fade over time.
Having a superficial mindset limits you on the great people you can meet in this world. A healthy look is important, but displaying great character and personality is most important.
Great character and personality isn’t defined by how much you deadlift, how much you weigh, or how much money you have. You can look good while adding value to your character and personality by improving on these areas below:

1. Be Your Own Person

Do you sacrifice your identity to fit in with the mainstream? Do you get uncomfortable going against the majority? Are you a sheep who blends in with the flock? Or, are you a wolf, who stands out from the pack?
Being yourself is about having your own ideas, opinions, and thoughts. Don’t be afraid to follow your dreams and hobbies, regardless of what everyone else thinks.
No need to put a mask on and be someone else.

2. Be 100 Percent Independent

We rely on others for support and decision making too often. Putting your happiness, along with other facets of life, in the hands of others in hopes of discovering fulfilment is a terrible idea.
It’s up to you and only you to discover fulfilment and happiness. Take responsibility for your life and make decisions without relying on someone else.
Free yourself from hanging in the birdcage.

3. Be Positive

No one wants to hang out with a negative Nancy. Being negative brings no value to your life.
Stressful events will occur, but you can control how you respond to those stressful situations. Will you be negative (the easy way out) or will you find the silver lining?
Positive people attract other positive people. You are the company that you keep.

4. Be Confident

“You’re awesome”. I wake up every morning, telling myself this in the mirror as I prepare to tackle the world.
Not to be narcissistic, but to remind myself that I’m good enough and deserve good things. It’s easy to fall into the trap of seeing what everyone else is doing, then feeling inadequate afterwards.
Whether it’s fitness and being lean enough; climbing the corporate ladder; working on your new business or going after that girl, who you fear is out of your league.
Take a step back from this noisy world, and choose yourself. Remember, you’re good enough already. Keep your chin up, shoulder back, and walk like the superstar you are.
Follow your own path, it’s more than good enough

5. Be Comfortable Without The Spotlight

It’s not always going to be about you. The sooner you realise this, the better your life is going to get.
People who are comfortable with themselves don’t need constant attention in order to feel wanted. You become much more beautiful to the world when you quit seeking validation from the world.
Your approval is the only jury.

6. Be Kind

At times, we’re stressed, frustrated, confused, annoyed, and mad at various things in life. We take our frustrations out on the world. Admit it, you’ve taken to social media to share a nasty opinion on something that made you mad.
You’ve treated a stranger like dog poo because you were having a bad day and got stuck in traffic.
Who wants to hang out with people who are ugly, selfish, and treats others less than human? Practise compassion and sympathy, instead of reacting negatively to situations or talking about someone.

7. Be Passionate About Something (Anything!)

It’s sad to meet people who are going through the motions of life without anything that is getting them excited.
Passion is an attribute that everyone finds sexy and magnetic. Passionate people have energy and enthusiasm that rubs off on anyone they run into. Everyone wants to be around passionate people.
It doesn’t matter what you’re passionate about, it matters that you’re doing something about it.

8. Be Bold And Adventurous

Don’t be that person whose full of regret. If only they did ‘this & that’, then life would be this way. There’s people who dream and take action. However, there’s people who dream and keep dreaming, failing to take action. We call those people pretenders.
The most attractive people in this world are those who understand life is about exploration and self-discovery. Staying within our comfort zones is not an option.
People who continue to improve themselves and take chances are more attractive than those who sit back and wish for everything.

9. Be Decisive And Act With Intention

Knowing what you want out of life and taking action towards it are qualities that will increase anyone’s attractiveness. Being hesitant, timid, and afraid to take action are qualities of people who are insecure.
Decide what you want and go after it with relentlessness. Acting with intention shows you have purpose and confidence, which anyone of quality will find irresistible.

10. Practise Gratitude

“Cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you, and to give thanks continuously. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
It’s easy to forget the simple things in life and take for granted things such as: breathing, health, friends, music, knowledge, freedom, food, and many others.
We become pre-occupied with our daily struggles and focus on what we don’t have, that we forget to give thanks to what we already have.
People who are grateful for what they have are happier and more attractive, since it’s not always about adding superficial items and keeping up with the Jones’s.

Friday, 22 August 2014

The Introvert's Heart

Despite the fact that society tends to view the ideal person as gregarious, a risk-taker, comfortable in the spotlight, talkative, socialises in groups and works well in teams, I still think being an introvert is very cool ha ha ha. Of course the world would be a dull place if everyone is an introvert. The quote from Allen Shawn is pasted below. It is taken from the book "Quiet The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking" by Susan Cain which I am currently reading.




A species in which everyone was General Patton would not succeed, any more than would a race in which everyone was Vincent van Gogh. I prefer to think that the planet needs athletes, philosophers, sex symbols, painters, scientists; it needs the warmhearted, the hardhearted, the coldhearted, and the weakhearted. It needs those who can devote their lives to studying how many droplets of water are secreted by the salivary glands of dogs under which circumstances, and it needs those who can capture the passing impression of cherry blossoms in a fourteen-syllable poem or devote twenty-five pages to the dissection of a small boy's feelings as he lies in bed in the dark waiting for his mother to kiss him goodnight.......... Indeed the presence of outstanding strengths presupposes that energy needed in other areas has been channelled away from them.

Allen Shawn (born 1948) is an American composer, pianist, educator, and author who lives in Vermont.

The Introvert
The Extrovert

Thursday, 7 August 2014

Tam Benjamin

A picture is worth a thousand words of Tam's affectionate and loving nature. I adopted her in January 2014, which means she has been with me for about seven months. And those were seven months of unconditional love and affection for me and for Mickey Benjamin my other cat.














Saturday, 2 August 2014

About Alcoholism



I had just finished reading The Liberty Tree Drunk To Sober: A Memoir by Suzanne Harrington. It is the author's brutal and honest story of being a junkie and an alcoholic. It is her journey through the drug parties of East London, meeting Leo at one of these parties, marrying him despite the fact she knows very little about him, loosening the drug habit but getting heavy on the drinking, being self-absorbed and self-centred, having two children all the while having the alcoholism, realising she loves Leo but not in a way a wife or a lover should, getting cancer, separating from the husband, getting sober slowly and getting to know herself better, dealing  with the tragedy of Leo's suicide, really getting clear from alcoholism, helping her kids come to term with their father's suicide and finally becoming a truly sober mum to her two kids.

To me personally, the narrator in this memoir is a person who reads a lot, intelligent, strong-willed, impulsive at times, emotionally retarded and an individual who likes to avoid the truth. For most of her adult life she hides her feelings either in drugs or alcohol. She takes drug to the extent she begins to hear voices in her head. Addiction to drugs causes her to have extreme paranoia and she lost her boyfriend Harry because of her liking for substances that provide instant gratification. Substance abuse can muddle up your brain so much that you fail to realise even the most basic fact about yourself, however intelligent you are. For example if you want others to like you, you must first of all like yourself. It is difficult even for you to like yourself, when you are always jittery and screaming your head off and gets into fights when you desperately need your alcohol fix, or you wake up in your own vomit in the morning, having a splitting headache and being unaware that your toddler has been crying for hours beside you, or in your hangover moodiness you say things to your spouse which are so toxic that you know you had no excuse for except that you are cruel and very self-centred.

Addiction is a disease that needs to be addressed just like any other disease. First and foremost the addict himself must realise there is a problem. He or she must desire to get rid of the habit for the good or himself or herself, not because to get someone off his or her back. Suzanne was almost at the brink, almost at the point of no return when she truthfully reaches out for help for herself. While she is recovering from the alcoholism, tragedy strikes in the form of her estranged husband's suicide. It is very brave of her to be able to put all she has been through into this memoir dedicated to her late husband and written in manner like she is talking to her two kids. It has been a long journey and a difficult struggle for her but she did it at last. She frees herself from the shackles of drugs and alcoholism.