Being An Introvert

(The following are some articles that I found on the Web pertaining to the subject of introversion and what or who is an introvert. It is a subject that I am fond of reading as much as possible, because to a large extent I think I am one)

Definition: Contrary to what most people think, an introvert is not simply a person who is shy. In fact, being shy has little to do with being an introvert! Shyness has an element of apprehension, nervousness and anxiety, and while an introvert may also be shy, introversion itself is not shyness. Basically, an introvert is a person who is energized by being alone and whose energy is drained by being around other people.

Introverts are more concerned with the inner world of the mind. They enjoy thinking, exploring their thoughts and feelings. They often avoid social situations because being around people drains their energy. This is true even if they have good social skills. After being with people for any length of time, such as at a party, they need time alone to "recharge."

When introverts want to be alone, it is not, by itself, a sign of depression. It means that they either need to regain their energy from being around people or that they simply want the time to be with their own thoughts. Being with people, even people they like and are comfortable with, can prevent them from their desire to be quietly introspective.

Being introspective, though, does not mean that an introvert never has conversations. However, those conversations are generally about ideas anpd concepts, not about what they consider the trivial matters of social small talk.

Introverts make up about 60% of the gifted population but only about 25-40% of the general population.

All About Introverts
By Carol Bainbridge

People don’t outgrow introversion, so the introverted adult was once an introverted child. What is true of one is true of both. Contrary to popular opinion, introverts are not asocial, nor are they friendless loners who lack social skills. They simply have different social needs and preferences.

Friendships

It is not easy for introverts to make new friends because getting to know someone takes so much energy. However, introverts don’t need a wide circle of friends. They prefer one or two close friends, even though they may know many people and have a large number of acquaintances. In spite of this preference, introverts are frequently criticized for not making an effort to make more friends and are often seen to be lacking social skills.

Social Preferences

Introverts need a lot of personal space. They like being in a room alone with the door closed and those who don’t understand introverts believe this desire to be alone is a sign of depression. However, for introverts this behavior is normal; it is not a sign of withdrawing from life. Being around others is tiring for them so they need time alone in order to regain some of their energy. Being alone also gives them a chance to think and figure things out uninterrupted. Introverts don’t enjoy large parties and if they have to attend one, prefer to spend their time with just one or two others, talking about what they all know a lot about. Introverted children may prefer to play on the side with one or two other children.

Preferred Activities

Introverts enjoy activities they can do alone or with just a few others. It’s not surprising, then, that so many introverted gifted children love to read. They also tend to prefer activities that allow for creative expression, like creative writing, music, and art. Introverted children also enjoy quiet and imaginative play. When presented with an opportunity to participate in a group activity or game, introverts prefer to hang back and watch before they join in. Many people see this as shyness, but it’s not. They feel more comfortable with situations that are familiar to them and they are simply trying to become familiar with the activity before they join in.

Social Behavior

Introverts tend to be quiet and subdued. They dislike being the center of attention, even if the attention is positive. It’s not surprising, then, that introverts don’t brag about their achievements or knowledge. In fact, they may know more than they’ll admit. It may be the introverted gifted children who are more at risk for “dumbing down” since they would be more likely to want to hide their abilities.When introverts are tired, in a large group, or if too much is going on, they may show little animation, with little facial expression or body movement. Introverts also have two distinct personalities: a private one and a public one. That can explain why they can be talkative in comfortable settings, like home, and quiet elsewhere.

Social Interaction

While introverts may appear to lack social skills or be antisocial, neither is true. Their style of social interaction is simply different from that of extroverts. They tend to listen more than they talk and are excellent listeners. They are attentive and will make eye contact with the person they are listening to and rarely interrupt. When they do talk, introverts tend to say what they mean and may look away from the person they’re talking to. They dislike small talk and would rather say nothing than something they feel is insignificant. Although introverts are quiet, they will talk incessantly if they’re interested in the topic. They also dislike being interrupted when they talk, or when they’re working on some project.

Verbal Expression

If given a choice, introverts would rather express their ideas in writing than in speech. When they do speak, they need time to think before answering a question. Sometimes they even feel the need to mentally rehearse what they want to say before they say it. The need to think before speaking often results in the introvert being slow to respond to questions or comments. When they talk, they may also pause quite often and even have problems finding the right word.

Emotions and Emotional Responses

Introverts become emotionally drained after spending time with others, particularly strangers. They don’t like crowded places and introverted children can even become grouchy and irritable if they’ve been around too many people for too long. Even when introverts enjoyed a party or activity, they can feel drained afterwards. Parents often sign their introverted children up for numerous activities to help them improve their social skills, but an activity-filled schedule is overwhelming for these children. Introverts are also rather territorial. They dislike sharing space with others for too long and may find house guests intrusive. Introverts also have a hard time sharing their feelings and feel deeply embarrassed by public mistakes.

Other Traits and Preferences

Introverts can concentrate intensely on a book or project for a long time if they find it interesting and like to explore subjects deeply and thoroughly. That may be why introverts don’t like to be bothered when they are reading or working on a project. Introverts are highly aware of their inner world of perceptions, thoughts, ideas, beliefs, and feelings. They are also highly aware of their surroundings, noticing details that others don’t see. However, they are not quick to discuss their thoughts or observations. They may, for example, wait days or weeks to talk about events. Introverts also favor consistency over change, and cope with change best when they know ahead of time what to expect and have enough time to prepare for it.

A Hard Life in 2014

Watching Wan Nyah getting
ready to go out

Making a sad face
"Please don't leave me"

"Are you really going
Wan Nyah?"

Yesterday's physiotherapy session had caused my right leg muscles to be cramped more than usual. Despite that I still keep doing the other recommended exercises at home thus causing the muscles to become even more sore. Well, no pain no gain, that is what my physiotherapist used to say.
Well, cramped or sore muscles would not deter my determination to go out. May be window shopping will lessen the soreness ha ha ha. My little playful tuxedo girl was watching intently from the staircase as I got ready to go out. Even made a sad face at me. But she got distracted when Mickey came in and started chasing after her. The catch-me-if-you-can game was to be continued from this morning.

So I drove to KTM Commuter station and took the train to KL Sentral. Since it was already lunch hour and I haven't even had breakfast yet, I looked around for a place to eat. Lunch hour at KL Sentral Station is always a busy and crowded affair with all the hungry travellers and office workers milling around. McD, KFC, Subway all long queues. Secret Recipes, Swiss Oven, Starbucks and many others were almost full too. Since I was alone, I did not feel comfortable to join other people's tables. Okay, I went up to the food court, even though I did not really favour Malay cuisine if I eat outside actually. At least there were seats available there.

So mixed rice today. I asked for half a plate of rice, one small fried ikan kembung, two scoops of cuttle fish sambal, one pegedil, half of a salted egg and a scoop of acar timun. It cost me RM14.00 without any drinks. I thought the lady made a mistake but no, she gave me the printed itemised receipt. Perhaps I was not very up-to-date on the prices of foodstuffs and the likes.

I am not a person who is calculative when it comes to eating. I eat what I like even if it is a little expensive. If it is good food and value for money, good service, clean surrounding, cosy atmosphere, then is okay even if it is a little pricey. As it happens, nowadays there are also days that I would just eat whatever stocks I have in the fridge because I was too lazy to go out. My meals would then be a combination of whole meal bread, cheese, eggs, Japanese cucumber, mushroom and may be some capsicum. Well, I still think RM14.00 was a tard too pricey for KL Sentral food court. A lot of people passes through this hub of a station and many of them are just ordinary working men and women who have families to support and children to raise.

After lunch I took a the coupon cab to Midvalley Megamall. It cost me RM12.00. One thing I like about this cab service is that the price of the journey is paid at the counter and you have a ticket. You do not have to wonder for example why the meter in the cab you took seemed to move a little too fast. You also do not have to feel irritated when the cab driver picks up another passenger along the way, after taking you on that is and that passenger is heading to a different destination.

After browsing in MidValley for a while I went over to Borders located in next-door The Gardens. Borders The Gardens is one of my favourite bookstores besides Kinokuniya at Suria KLCC and Popular at Sunway Pyramid. I ended up buying this memoir by Ivana Lowell entitled "Why Not Say What Happened?". The memoir was priced at RM111.80 but I was lucky card members were entitled to 50% discount on certain titles including this memoir.

A memoir about a
dysfunctional aristocratic
family

Reading is quite an expensive habit nowadays. I do believe that many parents would love to stock their homes with reading materials for their kids but the hefty price of books is a deterrent to this noble desire. One suggestion I can give is for them to watch out for the famous Big Bad Wolf Book Sale where the price discount is really really good and is not available anywhere else in Malaysia. The yearly Popular Sale usually held at KLCC Convention Centre is another place where you can find books rather affordable.

I came out of Borders at around 17:30. I thought I might as well have an early dinner. So I went to the food court next to Borders.  I ordered fried rice, black coffee and two slices of fruits. All together it cost me RM11.00. The plus point about this food court is that it is very clean and not crowded. There are plenty of tables and chairs and benches too even if the choice of food is rather limited.

The point I am trying to make here is that life is hard nowadays and the ordinary people are struggling to make ends meet. I am retired, single and most of my financial commitments are for myself, my two cats and some contribution to the family and yet I feel the pinch. Many items and services are becoming more expensive and you just have no money to save anymore. Around Klang Valley if you do not own a house, the accommodation rent is going to make a big hole in your pocket. I think housing is ridiculously overpriced in Klang Valley. Of course there are always rich people who can afford them but most of these house are beyond the means of the low income group. Where cars, another necessity, are concerned,  a lot had also been negatively said in various media about the prices of our national cars. Perhaps that is why many people get irritated with the PM's "kangkung" statement previously. To make it worse, some of our cabinet minister were making quite a few statements, that can only be described as being moronic, pertaining to complains from the rakyat about the increase in prices of various commodities.

A Wealthy Individual

I am just a poor retired civil servant but when I look at the photos at the bottom, I think I am rather wealthy.

Material things of course are important but your feelings about your family and friends are very important too. You might at times be angry at your family or friends but that is just the ups and downs of life.

My relationship with my biological family more often than not are rather awkward and superficial at times. A lot of conflicts arisen mostly from the difficult personality of my adopted mother. People might think I am bad-mouthing her, but that was the truth. It was only in recent years, minus her meddling that I managed to feel closer to my family. It was not an easy thing to do as I am an introvert and expressions of love and closeness are rather difficult for me to display. It also takes a lot courage and energy to bury away the ghosts of my formative years having to live through the tumultuous years of my foster parents marriage and their weird parenting.

All that being said about my weirdness and quirkiness and the pathetic circumstances of my upbringing, I still think that I am rather wealthy in some ways which are not associated with material things. Why did I say that? Because I am still here, I am okay and I am surviving. Now that I am retired I feel I missed my close friends very much as I don't see them everyday anymore. Even though there were things that I wish could have done better, especially with my family, but I have no regrets. Life is short, let's focus on the the present, on what I have and on what I can do.

To all my friends, thank you for being you, for accepting me the way I am. To all my nephews and nieces, your Wan Nyah is still making baby steps at making connection with all of you. To all my pets, past and present, love you, love you, love you!

 

When Dream Comes True

 Just finished reading this delightful book entitled "The Little Bookstore of Big Stone Gap" by Wendy Welch. I love the book because it is about doing something you always dream about doing, taking on the challenges, making friends along the way, learning and relearning about yourselves, about life and human relationship and about being part of a community. Doing things because you love doing them, despite the struggles and obstacles, not because you want to be filthy rich or famous.

Ms Welch is a bookworm and a bibliophile, is American, has a Phd in ethnography and I believed she is in her early forties. If you are wondering what is ethnography I have written at the very bottom the meaning which I gathered from a few online dictionaries. Wendy is married to Jack Beck, a Scottish folksinger and college professor. Both Wendy and Jack are seasoned travellers. They have visited more than forty countries and have lived in eight, the last being Scotland where they have lived for five years before deciding to set up home in the states.

Back on American soil, Wendy took a job in some government establishment only to find it is really a "snake pit" where the culture was biting and being bitten and you moved forward if you were able to bite a larger chunk of someone else. She resigned and decided to take another small college job in Virginia, in a town called Big Stone Gap. It is here that Wendy and Jack came across a large Edwardian house that they fell in love with. They thought the house would be perfect for their longtime dream, to open a secondhand bookstore.
So they bought the house and Jack and Wendy moved in with their pets. This book will always have a soft spot in my heart because of the couple's love of their pets and the rescue and rehoming of dogs and cats that become one of the volunteering activities at the bookshop. When they first moved in Wendy and Jack have a black Labrador named Zora, a Terrier named Bert and two cats Val-Kyttie and Beulah.

So Wendy took us through the couple's experience of setting up the old house to become a secondhand bookstore. From renovating the house, to gathering books to stock up the bookshop, to making efforts to get accepted in the community, to becoming a good sales person for secondhand books, to setting up various activities that involved the community in her bookshop, to making a tour of other secondhand bookshops in the neighbouring states.

Wendy to me is down-to-earth and frank in her writing and I love that very much.

Ethnography: 1 research designed to explore cultural phenomena 2 scientific description of individual cultures  3 descriptive study of a particular human society or the process of making such a study  4 the study of social interactions, behaviours and perceptions that occur within groups, teams, organisations and communities. 

Bibliophile: a person who loves or collects books especially as examples of fine or unusual printing, binding or because they are very old or first edition books.

Bookworm: someone who loves books for their content and otherwise loves reading.