This is an old article from The Star which I stumbled upon while searching for more info about introversion. Part of my search of me or moi as the French says it.
My comments, especially pertaining to my experience as an introvert child in primary school, are in blue at the bottom.
The Star > Features Home > Lifestyle > Features
Saturday, 2 June 2012 | MYT 12:00 AM
Listen To Your Inner Introvert
BY LOUISA LIM
Charles Darwin took solitary walks and Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak claims he never would have become such an expert if he left the house. These and other geniuses show that sitting still and keeping quiet may be the best trick you’ll ever learn.
FOR the longest time, Susan Cain, author of Quiet: The Power Of Introverts In A World That Can’t Stop Talking, felt that she had to fake it to make it.
“I keep getting the message that somehow my introverted style of being is not the right way to go, that I should be trying to pass as an extrovert,” she said at a recent TED conference (one of two global annual talks that bring together experts in the fields of technology, entertainment, and design).
Recalling an early childhood trip to summer camp, Cain tells the audience how she had taken her books along with her. But when she got to “Camp Rowdie”, she was ridiculed for reading her books and not having enough camp spirit. So she went book-less for the rest of the summer.
“I always sensed deep down that this was wrong, and that introverts are excellent. For years, I denied this intuition so I became a Wall Street lawyer instead of the writer that I always longed to be, to prove to myself that I could be bold and assertive. I went to crowded bars when I preferred to have a nice dinner with friends,” she says.
Cain made self-negating choices so reflexively that she stopped realising she was making them. Until seven years ago.
“I realised that groups famously follow the opinions of the most dominant or charismatic person in the room, even though there’s zero correlation between being the best talker and having the best ideas,” she says.
So she wrote a book.
Quiet is the result of seven years of reading, researching, thinking. It is a fascinating, well-researched book that opens with a moving account of civil rights activist and notable introvert Rosa Parks (who, in 1955, famously sat in the “whites only” section of a public bus and helped fuel the black rights movement in the United States), and an interesting question to ponder: “Why shouldn’t quiet be strong?”
But make no mistake: Cain doesn’t preach. Rather, she describes real-life examples and personal experiences in crystal clear prose, and draws on the latest findings in psychology and neuroscience, to shine a light on the bias against introverts.
We are living in a world in which schools, workplaces, and religious institutions are designed for extroverts, she states.
“Most schools and workplaces now organise workers and students into groups, believing that creativity and productivity comes from an oddly gregarious place,” she says in an interview in Scientific American magazine.
If the latest research is right and one out of every two or three people we know are introverts, the “Groupthink” approach that’s fixated on teamwork, open-plan offices and the wisdom of crowds could have far-reaching effects. And in Cain’s opinion, that’s not a good thing.
Is silence golden?
We’re all inured to the 21st century cult of self-expression. The rise of Facebook and Twitter demonstrates that most people believe nothing in the world deserves to be heard more than the thoughts drifting across their frontal cortex. Introversion, it seems, is a quality best suited to spineless geeks – and the occasional creep. But here’s the thing: introverts do prefer quiet conversations with a few close friends and plenty of alone time, but not because they resent or fear people and are quietly planning the imminent demise of their enemies.
“Introversion is really about having a preference for lower stimulation environments. So it’s just a preference for less noise, less action. Extroverts, on the other hand, really crave more stimulation in order to feel at their best,” explains Cain in an earlier interview, adding that most people have the misconception that introversion is about being antisocial or arrogant.
Self-confessed introvert Noorazlina Abdullah, 32, can certainly relate to being negatively judged.
“People tend to think I’m a snob. They say, ‘Eh, sombongnya budak ini’ (she’s so stuck up), but really, I’ve always kept to myself since I was young,” she says, adding that in secondary school, the popular kids were always extroverts.
Nothing much has changed, despite her teachers’ best efforts to encourage her to speak up in class. Now an editor, Noorazlina says she chose a profession that allows her to do what she does best – work behind the scenes. She dreads public speaking and presentations, and avoids both whenever possible. But none of that stops her from being good at her job
Aloof writer Steven James, 32, is also an introvert. However, James, who likes to “read books by obscure American authors and watch existential films” at home on a free day, put these habits aside for a while in an effort to be more outgoing.
“I used to go clubbing with my friends, but I found it rather boring. The DJs never played the kind of music I liked and I didn’t have anything in common with the people I meet. Soon, I realised it was an exercise in futility,” he says.
With only a few close friends to talk to these days, James vents his feelings through music by writing and playing the blues.
Not surprisingly, psychologists Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (professor of psychology and management at Claremont Graduate University) and Gregory Feist (associate professor of psychology at San Jose State University) suggest that the most creative people in many fields are usually introverts, wrote Cain in an article for the New York Times. They claim that solitude is a crucial and underrated ingredient to creativity.
Cain cites brainstorming sessions as an example. Pioneered by a charismatic advertising executive named Alex Osborn, this practise has been wildly popular in corporate America since the 1950s. However, 40 years of research shows that brainstorming in groups is a terrible way to produce creative ideas. Says Cain: “The organisational psychologist Adrian Furnham puts it pretty bluntly: ‘Evidence from science suggests that business people must be insane to use brainstorming groups. If you have talented and motivated people, they should be encouraged to work alone when creativity or efficiency is the highest priority.’”
Cain adds, “Darwin took long walks in the woods and turned down dinner invitations, Dr Seuss wrote alone, and was afraid of meeting the kids who read his books for fear they would be disappointed at how quiet he was. (Apple co-founder) Steve Wozniak claimed he never would have become such an expert if he left the house. Indeed, most major religions have seekers, Buddha, Jesus, each went into the wild to learn.”
In short, no “wilderness” (actual or metaphorical), no revelation.
According to Psychologies Magazine, introverts are also deep thinkers. This is based on a research by the co-founder of business-psychology firm ML Consulting, Gillian Rankin, which highlights that introverts think before they speak and develop their ideas quietly, by reflection. This means they tend to be good listeners and have a depth of concentration.
In an article for Time magazine, Cain writes, “It’s no accident that introverts get better grades than extroverts – they know more about most academic subjects and win a disproportionate number of Phi Beta Kappa keys and (US) National Merit Scholarship finalist positions – even though their IQ scores are no higher.”
But for all their natural gifts, introverts tend to go unnoticed in what the magazine calls “The Age of The Hard Sell”.
Accountant Emily Chin, 29, says that, as an introvert, she has to work harder to get ahead in the workplace.
“I think life is ultimately more difficult for us because a lot of contacts are made through socialising and networking,” says Chin. “But for those who don’t enjoy networking, they have only their skills and hard work to fall back on. Even then, all that might go unnoticed if you don’t know the right way to market yourself.”
Chin isn’t voicing an irrational fear. At school, extrovert students are considered ideal even though introvert students get better grades. And according to Cain, introverts are routinely passed over for leadership roles in the corporate world.
“That’s a real problem because research has shown that, as leaders, introverts are more careful, much less likely to take outsized risks, and are more likely to let creative and proactive team members run with their own ideas, rather than run over them or squash them – something that should be an ideal trait in the modern office,” she says.
She points out that history and science have proven that people who like to be alone have been key innovators and leaders. Mahatma Gandhi, Eleanor Roosevelt, and Sir Isaac Newton were all introverts, and so are many of today’s business leaders, from Douglas Conant of Campbell Soup to Larry Page at Google.
And if last year’s media storm surrounding Charlie Sheen’s “winning” ways proves anything, it’s that shutting up has its advantages. Moreover, Wall Street’s financial collapse of 2008 and disasters like Enron would also never have occurred, writes Cain, if people had listened more to their inner introvert.
Sync or sink
This brings us back to the main line of the argument: the pitfalls of the New Groupthink. When future Warren Buffets are stifled, it’s not just them who suffer, but society as a whole.
“It’s never a good idea to organise society in a way that depletes the energy of half the population. We discovered this with women decades ago, and now it’s time to realise it with introverts,” says Cain.
This isn’t to say we should shun collaboration and a strong team spirit. If Steve Wozniak had not collaborated with Steve Jobs, there would be no Apple, explains Cain in her book. However, it’s important to recognise that introverts like Wozniak need more space and privacy to do their work. Says Cain: “Offices need chatty conversations, and great spaces to make serendipitous interactions. But we also need much more privacy, and more autonomy. The same is true – more true – for schools. Yes, teach kids to work together, but also how to work alone.”
In other words, introverts can’t afford to retire to a cave and live like hermits. To establish valuable relationships, as well as earn a living, it is necessary to function well with others. It is here that the introverts are at a disadvantage: although they are not necessarily shy – shyness is a separate social anxiety – they often find social situations draining and struggle with small talk.
But while scientists have begun to learn that the introverted or extroverted temperament seems strongly inborn and inherited, Dr Goh Chee Leong is living proof that introverts can break free from the stereotypes that define them.
“Contrary to popular belief, being introverted does not automatically mean that you can’t socialise or connect with people or work in a career that requires you to do so. You don’t have to be a prisoner to your personality,” he says.
A reserved person by nature, Dr Goh is speaking from experience. He grew up as a quiet child, preferring books and movies to socialising. These days, however, his role as vice-president of the Malaysian Psychological Association requires him to have great oratory skills and occasionally give public speeches in front of hundreds of people.
In his opinion, introversion and extroversion aren’t fixed categories, but two opposite ends along the same continuum. It is possible to move along this continuum, getting more introverted or extroverted, as one gets older.
Chin, for instance, says solitude has helped her get over the death of both her parents several years ago. “I think I’m getting increasingly comfortable being by myself, but my boyfriend, a real extrovert, balances me out,” she says.
Although many people get more introverted with age, Dr Goh has some advice for them: “Introverts can be good with people. If you’re not one of them, just remember that you can develop your people skills without changing the essence of who you are.”
Ultimately, he says, it’s important for both introverts and extroverts to appreciate the differences between one another.
Chin agrees. “If everyone was alike, the world would be a very dull place indeed!” she says.
For her, having a content for the few real friends matter more than having a few hundred acquaintances. “I’m happy the way I am,” says Chin. “I think all introverts make a conscious decision to be the way they are. I know I do. I don’t envy or resent extroverts nor do I have the desire to be one of them.”
And aspiring author and famously social networker Tom Chalfant shows that, sometimes, it could very well be the other way around, with extroverts envying introverts. In his blog, he writes about introverts on Facebook: “I like the quiet people. They are out there, watching and reading and thinking. Smiling or frowning. Considering what’s before them. I like their careful consideration and envy their restraint. I know they are out there, because once in a blue moon they click ‘like’ – that’s about as loud as they get – and then they dart off again.”
Quiet: The Power Of Introverts In A World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain is currently available at major bookstores nationwide.
Read more at http://www.thestar.com.my/lifestyle/features/2012/06/02/listen-to-your-inner-introvert/#cTKxyvMBGu48V6IQ.99
As written above and also from my own personal experience, in schools teachers tend to favour the extroverts. Those who can easily or "joyfully" participate in group activities. Those who can easily sing or dance or act in front of everybody else. I remember suffering inwardly if a teacher asks me to sing or dance in some activities. It felt like time stands still. I was miserable and I just very much loathed the exercise. Once I was forced to enter a "pakaian beragam" in some sort of a school concert when I was in standard two. I dreaded the event. It was simply torture, a severe sentence for an introvert kid. My legs felt like lead as I walked on the stage in front of all the parents, looking down all the time. However, I am OK with public speaking. Give me time to research my subject (even as a kid, I would ask around) and I will try my best to give a good content for my speech. Especially if it is an individual presentation. I will put a lot of effort in ensuring a superb content. It would also be OK if a teacher had asked me to come forward and tell my classmates about a story book I have read, which they never did. Generally teachers are always trying to push the introverts, to express themselves, not to be shy, not to be quiet. It is not shyness actually. Some of my teachers missed the fact that I would always put up my hand to answer questions in quizzes they conducted, because I knew most of the answers, despite the fact I was quiet at lesson times. Some also missed the fact that I would be engrossed in subjects that I was interested in and I was interested in most of the subjects. Subjects I hated in primary school: physical education and arts class. Even the "Ugama" lesson was OK, because the Ustaz was friendly and kind. In primary school, I enjoyed my lessons and academically, I almost always top the class. Not to forget, there were also a handful of teachers who really cared about their pupils too, introverts or otherwise. I salute them!
As written above, the popular kids in school are most always the extroverts. As written above too, the introvert kids do not envy their counterparts, neither do they wish to be one of them. They are OK with themselves. They do not need attention or admiration. In a lot of cases they despise attention. They just want their teachers and other adults in their lives to refrain from stereotyping them as dull and not talented, not really appreciated, just tolerated. Sometimes the introverted child is considered a disappointment. Especially if the parents' personality is opposite his or hers. My adopted mother often described me as a "kongkang" which means sloth in Malay. It is a belittling, derogatory term actually 😢.
To this day, I still struggle with small talk and I still find social situations draining. My energy gets quickly depleted in very noisy situation or if there is too much stimulation around. As a kid, my idea of fun was being with my best friend Normah, wandering around the semak or belukar around the village where we lived, picking wild jambu or buah letup or terung belanda which grew wild all over the place. Otherwise we would be lying in the hammock underneath her house or my house reading story books, exchanging thought about the characters in our thin newsprint story books. Which King is benevolent, which princess marry the handsome prince or is the Queen really a Queen or a nenek kebayan. Or we would do our homework together. We walked to school together, a distance of about one kilometre, passing through kampung houses along a small path overgrown with weeds and grasses on both sides. We had good conversations along the way. From time to time, I would pour my heart out, telling Normah the unhappiness of my adopted parents' marriage. I would be talkative with her which was very unlike me when I was among a lot other kids. Normah was never judgmental. Like me, she too was a good listener.
I am a strong introvert and partly I am an empath. That being said, however, I also know that I cannot live in a cave. I don't want to live in a cave as I love modern amenities too much 😊 and I adore my close friends and family members. I tell myself that most people, extroverts included, are genuine people despite appearing superficial or having a hidden motive. Their need for stimulation make them appear such. So I tried to smile more, give people my full attention whenever I need to, like situations in the job place. If I find someone's loud nature or intrusive questioning very irritating, I tell myself probably they too find my quiet nature very exasperating, even if it puzzles me, why is that so. I really cannot escape all social situations and I cannot always be with my few close friends only. I too believe, however strong your introversion or extroversion is, you can still move along the spectrum of your personality, albeit within a limit, to find a good balance in your career, relationships and family life.
Definition of empath (noun)
1) someone who is highly sensitive to the feelings and experiences of someone else despite not having gone through the same situations.
2) chiefly in science fiction, a person with the paranormal ability to perceive the mental and
emotional state of another individual.
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| This illustration is not quite complete, in my opinion, as there are no pets or animals in it. |
