INVICTUS

I am master of my fate, I am captain of my soul (from a poem by William Ernest Hendley)
There is no chance, no destiny, no fate, that can circumvent or hinder or control the firm resolve of a determined soul ( quote by Ella Wheeler Wilcox)

Thursday, 29 August 2013

Visiting Labi

Received a text message from Darling that Labi (her handsome feline) is not well. Darling's voice sounded very sad when I called her. To the animal lover, a pet is part of the family and you always take very good care of your family. Your day is darkened when your pet is unwell and you cannot focus on much anything else, as you realised you pet is very uncomfortable or in pain.You just just want to take care of your pet and be with him or her. So I sent a text message to En. Loh and Dear, asking them if we could go and visit Labi sometime today. Dear has some classes to attend to  and so I went with En. Loh to Darling's residence in TTDIJ.

Labi has been taken to the vet yesterday  and has had some jabs and some medication prescribed. Darling was feeding him hourly with some glucose and fish broth using a syringe as directed by the vet since he hasn't been eating from yesterday. He seemed tired and did not make much sound and not in the mood for anything and definitely not in the mood for the boisterous girl Gollum. The good thing is he seemed stable, he still followed Darling around and he stayed in the hall with us when we were there. When Mickey was down with high fever, he just wanted to be alone on top of the double-decker bed or otherwise underneath the cloth dryer in the porch area. He didn't sleep at night and I didn't sleep too, because every hour I went upstairs to check on him. I saw that Darling didn't sleep too.

Labi

Dearest Labi, Wan Nyah would very much love to hug and caress you just now but I didn't. I did not snap many pictures of you also, all because I thought it would stress you out and add to your discomfort, as you are unwell. Get well soon, Labi baby, Mak Andak and Uncle Amir love you very much. Wan Nyah, Mami and Uncle Loh love you very much too and we pray that you'll recover ASAP.

Ibu on her favourite chair
Ibu on mak Andak's lap
Ibu is cute!

Been about like 5 months that I haven't seen Gollum. It's obvious that Gollum
is very much loved and very well taken care of by her Mak Andak & Uncle Amir
Gollum the lovely girl
Forever curious about everything
Si Manja Siti Gollum
Trying to dislodge Ibu from her favourite chair, Gollum is always her boisterous self!
Here she looks more like an adult cat
Gollum the lovely young lady

Friday, 23 August 2013

My Beloved LA

A short history of my beloved International Training Unit or more popularly known as LA.

LA was established as one of the seven programmes (departments) in CIAST back in 2007. It was the early days of CIAST management being taken over by DSD. The official handing over of CIAST from Manpower Department to DSD was on 16th June 2007. With the restructuring of functions and personnel, I think it was a hectic and uncertain time for most of us. We welcomed many many new staffs, mostly of the higher management level, but we were also loosing many of our long-time friends who had to be transferred out of CIAST due to the major reorganization. Some, like me, had to decide where they would like to be in the new CIAST structure. We were wandering who will be our new bosses and who will be our colleagues in the various deparments and units. Previously for me, it was a close-knit, comfortable and friendly atmosphere in PL between me, Darling, Bonda, Kem, Samsudin, Zaki and our boss En. Mohd Noor Minhad. We were reluctant to part ways, even if it was just inside CIAST.

So, LA was created in 2007 and we had a new boss, Pn. Su. So Boss, En. Asrofi, Kem and me formed the new LA unit. We were hurdled into the crammed, temporary, squatter-like space, next to the Director's office on first floor of Block A. Major renovations were going on all over CIAST and many staffs had to make the very best of whatever office space available at that time. The campus was dusty and littered with construction debris all over. LA appealed to HQ that wherever possible all international visits be deferred to other institutes due to the crammed and unhealthy situation. Kem then got married and soon she got a transfer to ILP Pasir Gudang and the eccentric Mr. Chen joined LA. I don't remember exactly when, most probably in 2010, CIAST structure was amended again and the seven departments or programmes were reduced to five. LA became a unit under the PPL programme headed by En. Daud Jonit.

A few months after that, it was the the Director's office turn for renovation and we were directed to move out again. So down we went to ground floor Block E to become squatters again, this time minus Mr.Chen who was then transferred to HQ. We became unwanted tenants of the AVA unit. However, Ibrahim, Zarina, Siti Z, Gafaar and ex-PL Zaki received us with open arms and willingly shared what little space that was available there. Crammed office again!

Block J, the designated office for the three departments PPL (where LA is), PPK and KK,  was completed late 2010. We breathed a sigh of relief. So Boss, En. Asrofi and me we moved up to the second of floor Block J. For the first few months there was no elevator yet and we had to climb six flight of stairs to the second floor. I haven't had the osteoarthritis yet then. If our temporary offices before were like squatter dwellings,  Block J was like semi-D lots, quite spacious, lots of natural lighting from the continuous windows on both sides of the walls. Every floor had its own lavatory, pantry and rooms for expendable materials and for documents. Having our own permanent office was very much a relief, that we did not mind so much the very frequent electric supply and internet access interruptions. An later joined LA while En. Asrofi left to head the new SkillsMalaysia Unit and became our next door (next partition) neighbour in PPL.

All the while that LA operated in all that cramped spaces and moving from one place to another, we thrived as a team and we loved the bits of challenges that come with our duties and responsibilities in LA. Pn. Su was quite an energetic and dynamic leader who was always trying to find better ways of accomplishing any job assigned to us. There was a strong sense of belonging to the unit. So Boss, An and me we trudged along merrily with our MTCP, TCTP, Q-Facts, international visits, etc. I was ecstatic when Siti Z, Pn. Linda & En Adzam, who are long-time friends joined PPL. PPL was home. I thought it would be home until I retire but it was not to be because in August 2011, LA and SkillsMalaysia units were directed to move to the topmost floor under KK programme. I was very irritated about having to move again. But moving again was inevitable, so up we moved to KK Indera Kayangan on August 1st. 2011.

It has been more or less two years that LA is here in KK. A lot has happened since. En. Abu Sallehein became our Head of Programme replacing Pn. Zuraini who is pursuing her doctorate. En.Asrofi left to do his Masters and En. Hadi is heading the SkillsMalaysia Unit. Nizam joined LA along with Dilla, Apai, Shamsul, Min and lately Azmi who also became KK members attached to the other units. . Our boss, Pn. Su too is no more in CIAST. She was transferred to JTM in early 2013. Thank you Boss, for all the lessons and guidance given to us.

So, ladies and gentlemen of KK, I too will begin a new phase in my life and will be leaving LA and KK soon. I have loved being a member of the KK family and I will definitely miss all the togetherness, all the laughter shared, the stories and the gossips and of course all the food too. To my immediate family members in LA, the previous and the present, Pn. Su, En. Asrofi, Kem, the eccentric Mr. Chen, En. Hamdan, An dan Zam all the very best to each and everyone!

Panoramic view of KK. Photo was taken with me standing a little further from my desk. The entrance is at far left.
Another view of KK. The entrance is at the far right.



In this photo: Dear, Siti Z, En. Asrofi, Darling (the MC) and An.
This CLMV programme was conducted 2 -4 August 2010

Certificate Awarding Ceremony MTCP 2009 at Grand Bluewave Hotel Shah Alam. Participant was
Usin Mambetzhanov from Kyrgyz Republic, course Effective Multimedia Development for Trainers

Certificate Awarding Ceremony MTCP 2010 at Carlton Hotel Shah Alam. Participant was
Vanny Chantavong from Lao PDR, course was Vocational Training Management. 

Mak Pengantin closely observing the running of the event

Visit to ADTEC Melaka. Programme SkillsMalaysia INVITE for Vietnamese Trainers

With KK's new Head of Programme En. Abu Sallehein Nordin
KK's ladies train
Me and my immediate family members in LA. Boss, Pn. Su, about to leave us for JTM
Me with Kem and the Travel Agent. One of the many study visits.

Wednesday, 21 August 2013

Memories of Childhood (Part 1)

(The series of postings under the title above are especially meant for all my nephews and nieces, who I believe at one time or another are wondering at the awkwardness and weirdness of my relationship with my parents in particular and with the family in general. These are the expressions of my feelings about some events in my life and the implications of those events from my own perspective. Writing about some of these events is my own way of coming to terms with them.)

When I was around six months old I was taken away by my aunt (my father's eldest sister) to live with her back in Sabak Bernam.

To this very day, I was not clear about the actual incident that took place which enabled my aunt to snatch me away from my parents. All I knew is that my aunt, who was barren and who became my adopted mother, was having some marital problems and was staying with my grandparents at that time. My grandfather, it seemed, took both me and my eldest brother from our home in Kuala Kangsar to his home in Slim River, perhaps just to spend time and dot on us, as we were their very first grandchildren. When it was time to return us to our parents, only my brother came home, whereas I was already with my adopted parents in Sabak Bernam. This event, I was told, almost cost my parents their marriage. Both my mum and dad were filial children, devoted to their families and hardly dared to go against their elders even when their baby daughter was taken away against their wishes to be their sister's and brother in-law's adopted child. All they could do was fought one another. What really drove the point even more painful, especially for my mum, was the fact that mum and dad had another five boys after me but I am their only daughter.

So began my life with my adopted parents back in Sabak Bernam. I have a new identity that sticks to me for the rest of my life. I had a new birth certificate where mum's name was my adopted mother's name and likewise dad's name was my adopted father's name. In my birth certificate I was born in Batu 40, Sabak Bernam, Selangor, when in reality I was born in Bukit Chandan, Kuala Kangsar, a different state away. Those days it was easy to get a birth certificate, as there were not many documentations needed in order to register the birth of a child. I also believed there must have been some bribery involved for the matter to be so easily resolved.

Throughout my teens and my twenties I had a lot of personal and emotional issues about having my adopted parents' names in all my official documents. I did not understand the need to do that as both sets of parents are actually close relatives. I was resentful at my parents for not making enough effort to take me back and angry at my adopted parents for taking me away from my parents and my siblings. Truthfully, a lot of the anger and frustrations were the results of the unhappy domestic situations. I just couldn't help thinking I was adopted just as a mean to save the couple's failing relationship. I felt like I was being used. In retrospection, I personally feel that couples should very thoroughly discuss the issues of adoption before they go out and commit themselves to it. Looking at the then scenario from another angle, my adopted mum was in a desperate situation. Those were the times when most wives depend on their husbands for their livelihood. My aunt was desperately trying to save her marriage, as being divorced means going back to her parents and burdening them with another mouth to feed since the parents were not well off themselves. It was her third marriage anyway and so she decided perhaps a child would be the answer. In the late fifties, there were no counselling programmes, no public assistance bureau, no NGOs and job opportunities for women were scarce as in most families women were not well educated.

When I was around four we moved to Sungai Ayer Tawar (SAT). My adopted parents rented a house on the outskirt of that very small town and most of my earliest childhood memories were from that time. I can say that the period that we were in SAT was the happiest that can be said about my life with my adopted parents. It was almost idyllic. The typical wooden house had a very very large compound, with all manner of fruit trees around. All kinds of jambu trees were there. The big white jambu susu, the green and red jambu bol, the very sour jambu air which were red and also white in colour and of course the very common small jambu batu.  There were also mangosteen, langsat, rambai, soursop and pomegranate trees and even the present day exotic namnam shrubs were there. There were also plenty of coconut trees and therefore for cooking purposes we never had to buy coconuts. We raised chickens and ducks and there was a large pond beside the house with plenty of freshwater fishes. The house was rented out with all the coconut trees and fruit trees for us to consume. I remembered the owner of the house very seldom ventured into our compound and as a family we were left to our own devices. The owner and his family lived in another house opposite ours, a distance of almost 3/4 of a kilometre away. He was a hard-working wealthy landowner who was not much into possessions and thus led a very simple kampung life and he and my adopted father became close friends.

Nerdy-looking kid. Studio photo at SAT. Dress was sewn by adopted mum and hair was permed as it was fashionable then. Adopted mum even put on her "gelang minggu" on me. Loved the black-and-white shoes very much.

In SAT my days were spent either playing with whatever form of home-made toys there were in the house or exploring the large compound to my heart content. It was definitely a healthy environment for a child to grow up, with plenty of fresh air and plenty of trees all around. In front of the house, there was a large shady cempaka tree which was my favourite spot. In the nearby pond, a coconut tree had fallen down across the pond and the trunk became a makeshift bridge for me while I tried to scoop up tadpoles from the pond using empty coconut shells. I would spent hours under the cempaka tree, picking up the sweet smelling fallen petals and sometimes lying down on my back on the pile of dead leaves looking up at the sunshine peeking through the leaves of that huge tree, speaking to myself, inventing stories and telling them to my imaginary friend. Mostly the invented stories were about magical kings and queens with their princes and princesses, stories that I modified from the ones told by the adults around me. Oh yes, story-telling was still around then. At that time books were non-existent in the life of most young children, unless of course if you were from a very wealthy families and you lived in the big towns. The houses in that rural neighbourhood were far apart, sometimes like a kilometre or half a kilometre away from one another and it was not very often that I met other children. Nowadays, I think, most children would be scared to play under such a huge tree like that, let alone wander around in that huge compound by themselves.

As a parent, my adopted father was a gentle and loving man and he just adored me. Even though adopted, I was the apple of his eyes and to the best that he could afford he never denied anything I wanted. He was all the father I knew, because later on in life, when my adopted parents divorced, I could not really have a connection with my own biological father the way I did with him. My adopted mum on the other hand, tried her best to be a good mum to me. Even as child, I felt that she was a complicated person, prone to quick outbursts of temper, had a lot of personal insecurity issues and much lacking maternal instincts. Nowadays, I just like to remember her for the other good qualities that she had, for example, she  was a hard-working, industrious lady who contributed much to the family income with her relentless effort. She became a hired hand in the paddy fields,  during both planting and harvesting seasons. She weaved mengkuang mats, made bedak sejuk and sewed pillow-cases and table cloths to be sold to her neighbours.

When I was around six, we had to move back to Sabak Bernam because my adopted father, who worked in the irrigation department got transferred back there. Very soon I began schooling. My idyllic daily life in SAT was slowly giving way to something sad and troubling.

(To be continued.................)




Friday, 16 August 2013

Going Back to KK

 I went home to Kuala Kangsar (KK) during the Nuzul Quran weekend to see my parents. Since I have the arthritis about a year ago, I have not seen my dad and my step-mum.
So, taking advantage of the three-day weekend, I took the ETS train service from KL Sentral to Ipoh. The ETS Silver journey took two and a half hours and cost me RM25. It was quite comfortable, the coaches were clean and the seats have comfortable space for you to stretch your legs, that is if you are not too tall. A lot has been said in the past about the mediocre maintenance culture in KTMB, especially where KTM Komuter is concerned and I really really do hope that the ETS service is properly maintained so that it will always be a popular transportation alternative for many people. Let's hope too, the service will be extended further to the north as soon as possible.
On arrival at Ipoh Railway Station I walked to the bus station to KK about half a kilometre away and took the transit bus. Some snapshots of my journey back to KK that weekend are displayed below.



The old dilapidated Kuala Kangsar Bus Station in Ipoh

Beautiful old, colonial building in Ipoh

Row of shop-houses in Chemor town

      
Inside the transit bus to KK (left) with the lady conductor. Notice the famous 
kacang putih seller in front of the bus. I will keep this nostalgic punched-out 
ticket (right) for my scrap book.

     
With my fellow travellers (left) and some of the  the famous limestone cliffs of Ipoh (right).
     

Sungai Perak (left) and another one of the limestone cliffs (right).

My dad's affectionate and loving Ben

 A bit of an attention-seeker, Ben loves being around people and is always lying 
down on the sofa whenever we are there, having a conversation. He is such a gentle creature.


Wednesday, 14 August 2013

A Large Shady Garden for My Animals

Many things happened in Malaysia just before, during and after the Hari Raya 2013. The controversy surrounding the Chetz old raya video,the remand of the resort owner and the advice from MAIJ to demolish the surau that was used for Buddhist meditation in  in a resort in Tanjung Sedili Besar, Johor, the upcoming launch of the book "Awakening: The Abdullah Badawi Years in Malaysia", the many write-ups about the also upcoming UMNO General Assembly and of course all the crime news emblazoned on the pages of local newspapers.

Many thoughts crossed my minds about all those and I was undecided whether to put them out on this blog or just to banish them to the deepest recesses of my mind. No, I cannot cast out those thoughts, but perhaps I will write about some of them later on. Mind you, I should take care, there are too many overly sensitive people in our country hell-bent on stomping and pulverizing other people who have different opinions or interpretations about anything or people they deemed wrong or ignorant. The zealots are eagerly ready to pounce on anybody nowadays under the pretext of protecting the religion or protecting the race. I am just not sure whether the religion itself really needs defending after all. And really, just what happened to the culture of moderation?

Let's change from this disturbing subject, let's talk about something gentle, beautiful and less provoking. Say animals!

I am an animal lover. Due to constraints of space in my very small home, very small backyard too, neighbours who don't like animals, also issues on finance and also my own health ever since I have the osteoarthritis, the only pet that I can keep now is my beloved cat Mickey Benjamin, which has been mentioned time and time again in this blog. To the animal lover, pet is family and you and your pet have a very strong bond and Mickey is the love of my life. You treat your pet just like you treat a close family member. You would like to have your pet around you all the time. Holidays are a little worrying because you have to send your pet for boarding and your pet does not like that. There is always a tough struggle to get Mickey into the carrier as he understands carrier implies being sent to the vet for boarding or otherwise to be handled and probed by the vet for medical check-up or vaccination shot.

It has been a dream of mine to have a small home with a really big compound that I can easily keep something like nine or ten cats, may be three or four dogs, a goat, some rabbits, a few turtles and some fishes too. They would be rescued animals that can live out their lives comfortably and peacefully in that huge leafy, shady garden. That, to me would be the ultimate, supreme heaven!
To Zam, who has a similar plan, all my prayers are with you. I am sure your dream will materialize one day back in Perak and hopefully I will be able to visit you then.

Getting intoxicated with string play

Where are you going wan nyah? Let's play some more!

Hmm....just you wait, I'll catch that string too!

Get lost wan nyah, give me a break and stop taking my picture.
I'm exhausted after all that play! 

Tuesday, 6 August 2013

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri 2013




As mentioned in the quote above, family isn't always your blood relations. Families are people who are with you through thick and thin, people who accept you for what you are, people who do not judge you even when you are weird and strange, people who forgive you when at times you are cranky and irritating and people who still love you even when they do not really like some of the things you do. Families are also people you always go shopping together, eat together, travel together, work together and share stories together. Families do have misunderstandings, frictions and conflicts, but things do get usually resolved in the end.

To all my family in CIAST, Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri and Maaf Zahir Batin. I will be leaving public service soon and will start a new phase in my life's journey. Honestly, I am a little apprehensive about retirement because it involves a few changes in my life. Changes are always uncomfortable and I for one, usually like to be in the "status quo" region. But then, how do I know what lay ahead? For all I know there are many things in store for me which I might not have anticipated. Looking back, many chaotic events in my life were actually precursors to some form of peace and contentment, so why not keep a positive attitude.

So gang, Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri! Darling, Dear, and Bonda who are almost my constant companions ever since our togetherness in PL under En. Sayed and En. Mohd Noor Minhad. The routines of having breakfast and lunch together at the cafetaria and also a lot of outings to the various eateries in and around Shah Alam and KL will be forever etched in my memory. Not to forget Kem who is now in Pasir Gudang. My friend Siti Z, our friendship goes a long way back, since the establishment of CIAST in the eighties, you're the coolest, most level-headed lady I know. Pn. Azua who travelled together with me to Siem Reap and later on to Jogja. Siti Y, En. Loh, En Aziman who are also part of the breakfast group and lunch group at the cafetaria.

To everyone in KK Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, especially En. Hamdan,  An and Zam whom I consider my immediate family members. Not to forget Pn. Su who has been transferred to JTM early this year. Have a safe journey to and from the kampungs everyone and go easy on the feasting, else your weight will shoot up immediately after Hari Raya!

Part of the breakfast and lunch group at the cafetaria

Gang LA

Two tourists at Prambanan Temple, Jogja

 At one of the eateries in Sunway Pyramid

Monday, 5 August 2013

Doing the Crocodile Walk Again........

The night before last, I went to sleep quite early, as I felt very tired after the simple meal of rice, fish curry, sambal tumis ikan bilis, cucumber and the solok lada which I prepared myself previously for the breaking of fast.

At around 2.00 a.m I was awakened by some scratching noise near the book case. Woke up to find Mickey scratching some plastic bags while spraying into some of my books on the book case. I got irritated and scolded Mickey, got hold of the water bottle which I kept ready nearby and started to squirt him with water and shooed him to the kitchen area. Every time he sprayed I used the water bottle as that is the only tool that Mickey understands to be a cue that I am irritated with him and that what he is doing is undesirable behaviour. If I beat the broom against the floor to frighten him, he in fact will start to play with the broom or even starts biting my feet, as if it is a cue for playtime. Some spoilt cat!

Banished to the kitchen area, Mickey stayed down flat on all fours and sort of squinted to look at me with that crestfallen, downtrodden look. "Duduk sana!", I said when he tried to come to me while I got down to wiping and cleaning the affected books. I do not really mind  the spraying in other parts of the house.When you adopt a pet, you indirectly made a commitment to accept him as family and you do not admonish or reprimand your family for being himself or herself. To me  spraying is a male cat's natural behaviour and why should you be angry to a creature who is doing something that is natural to him and moreover Mickey was only castrated when he was around three, the time that I adopted him.  So he still remembered the spraying behaviour even though he is already neutred. Lately Mickey seemed to be doing a lot of the spraying. Not sure if he is stressed out because there is a hobo male cat who seemed to make Mickey's day bed (a pile of newspaper topped with some of my old blankets) in the porch area to be his living quarters.. There have been a lot of battles between the two, though mostly there were just volume competition and also who can make the better impression of a very huge cat, furs all standing up, tails up in the air! No actual fighting took place, but there were really a lot of  noise.

Catching sight of the hobo cat


Total relaxation


I couldn't sleep anymore after cleaning the books and a few minutes later Mickey came to me. He stayed down, tummy flat on the floor all paws too and started coming closer to me, moving like a crocodile. I dubbed this "the crocodile walk". He rubbed his cheeks against my feet, while making affectionate sounds, like offering a truce or rather offering his apology.

When his previous owner dumped him near my home about three years ago, Mickey was not allowed into the house, even though I fed him like three or four times a day in the porch area. At few months before I lost my previous cat Benjamin Miki (Ben) due to a serious illness. The experience of having to euthanize my beloved Ben, which I had had for ten long beautiful years, really really traumatized me and I vowed never to have another cat. 

Mickey did many tricks to entice me and to weaken my resolution. He would sneak into the house every time he had the opportunity, he would rub his body against me whenever possible, he would jump onto my lap and he would purr incessantly when I was near. Last but not least, he would do the crocodile walk in front of the front door every time I scolded him for trying to come into the house. That clinched it, his tenacity worked magic, I melted. To me the crocodile walk is Mickey's way of saying I love you why don't you adopt me or I'm very loving and I very much want to be your cat or please adopt me I'm too adorable or God sends me to your door what kind of a human being are you to send me away. I should add another interpretation of the crocodile walk: please forgive me, I feel very sad that you are angry with me. I rubbed his head and he came to sit next to me. The crocodile walk is abandoned and a few minutes later he lay down in front of the TV with his tummy up. The sad, guilty look was gone . He knew he has been forgiven!